Real relationship requires boundaries.
We live in a world that says if you really love someone, you accept everything. No limits. No conditions. Just open yourself up completely and trust everyone equally. And that sounds spiritual. It sounds loving.
It’s also completely unbiblical.
Jesus Had Boundaries
Would you say Jesus is the perfect picture of love? Of course. He is Christlikeness. He is maturity. He never sinned, He always did what He should have done.
But I want you to know that Jesus had boundaries.
He didn’t treat everybody the same when it came to divulging himself, when it came to being in relationship. He spoke to the crowds. He had twelve disciples. He had three he was really close to, and one was his closest friend.
There is a difference between loving someone and trusting someone.
God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son. But there’s a boundary: whosoever believes in him. When the rich young ruler came asking what he needed to do, Jesus said, “Sell your possessions, come and follow me.” The man went away sad. And Jesus didn’t chase after him saying, “Wait, wait, I didn’t mean it. I’ll change my boundaries around you.”
Relationships require boundaries.
The Biblical Priority of Relationships
God prioritizes your relationships: God first, then your family, then your church family, then the world. Now, does that mean people outside those circles don’t matter?
No. All people are valuable to God. But you and I? We’re finite.
We have limited time, limited energy, limited resources. God has designated priority not because some people are worth more, but because we can’t be in deep relationship with everyone.
If you try to be in relationship with everybody, you’ll actually be in relationship with nobody.
The Boundary of Tough Love
This is one of the hardest boundaries to understand: sometimes we place boundaries because we love someone. They’re disciplinary in purpose.
We think because we love someone, we have to continue supporting them, protecting them from their consequences. We never let them hit bottom. But the only way they can change is to hit bottom—and we won’t let them.
When my son was a drug addict, he started making decisions that put him at risk, put our family at risk, put his brothers and my wife at risk. We had a really hard time saying enough is enough. That felt like we were condemning him. If we don’t do this, he’s going to die.
Then I remembered the prodigal son. The younger son said, “Give me my stuff”—basically, “I wish you were dead.” And the father gave him his stuff and let him go to a far country. The father didn’t move to the far country with him. He said, “Go out there and you’re going to experience your own decisions’ consequences.”
My wife and I had to make a break that was devastating to us. But it was absolutely biblical. I couldn’t love my addicted son more than I loved my other two sons that he was dragging to hell with him.
I love you so much that I will not protect you from your own consequences.
That’s tough love. That’s a biblical boundary.
My son is now a Lead Pastor in a church. Two of my three sons are in ministry. But the pathway to get there was devastating. There had to be boundaries.
The Bottom Line
Forgiveness is given. Trust is earned.
You can love someone, pray for them, want them to know Jesus—and still say, “You stay over there.” Because you went too far. Because I can’t do God’s part. I can’t do your part. I can only do mine.
We are called to be different in a world that will mock us for our standards. But we made a decision. We’re not living for the approval of men.
We’re living for the approval of God.
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To watch the full sermon this post was drawn from click below:
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