In the world of wrestling, coaching is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Each wrestler on a team is at a different level of skill and development, requiring a tailored plan to help them progress. As a coach, it is crucial to understand where each individual is in their journey and to provide guidance that suits their unique needs. What works for one wrestler may not work for another, which shows the importance of a personalized coaching strategy.
This concept of individualized coaching in wrestling can be applied to spiritual development and discipleship as well. Just as a wrestling coach assesses each wrestler’s strengths and weaknesses, spiritual leaders must discern where individuals are in their faith journey and provide guidance accordingly. A good coach develops a plan and then helps his players understand the process they have learned so they can develop the ability to do the same with others.
Just as a wrestling coach watches their team in action to gauge progress, spiritual leaders must engage with individuals to identify their spiritual needs and provide appropriate guidance. Share on X
At Real Life Ministries, we have developed a framework to help leaders recognize and identify where individuals are in their spiritual journey. By asking questions and listening attentively to the different things the people they lead are saying, leaders can gain insights into their spiritual level and provide the necessary support for their growth.
Levels of Spiritual Development
Share:
We call the first stage the Share phase. Share-level people are those who have either not accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior or have accepted Him but have not been connected to other believers. Obviously, at this point those who have not accepted Christ need to hear, understand, and commit themselves to the Lord and His gospel. Unsaved people need salvation. We then want to connect them into a relational environment for discipleship. Those who have already accepted Christ but have not been connected to other believers need to be connected as well. Everyone needs to be discipled. Discipleship is a relational process.
Those who are unsaved may say things like, “I don’t believe in the Bible,” or “I believe Jesus is a way to get to heaven but He is not the only way,” or “I went to church when I was young, but Christians were mean to my family, so we never went back.” Other phrases may include: “What do I need to be saved for? I am as good as anyone else.” Their questions may range from “How do you know Jesus is real?” to “Why does God allow bad things to happen?”
Another kind of Share-level people are those who have accepted Jesus as Savior, as the Son of God, but have not understood what Jesus says about other believers and the Church, or have just flat-out rebelled against it. We will recognize these people by what they say. We often hear them say something like: “I love Jesus, but my church is in the mountains [meadows, nature] because I feel close to God there,” or “I have been hurt too many times by believers to let them get too close to me,” or “My accountability partner is God.” Another phrase that’s often used is “I am too busy at work to get connected.”
The phrase tunes us into the phase. If it is true they love God but will not adjust their lives to His priorities, then they are not very spiritually mature. They may be Christians, but they are spiritual infants in need of growth.
Connect:
Once disciples have entered the Connect phase of the process, the leader and the group they connect with will inspire, teach, and model for them what it means to love God and others. In their small group there will be many lessons and many questions answered so that the Connect-level people are growing in their knowledge of the Word. A proper disciple-led Connect environment should eventually result in heart change as the group studies the Word and prays together. In the meantime, the Connect-level disciples are going to church, taking some Bible classes, and reading books that will bolster their understanding of what it means to be a Christian.
They are starting to learn who they are in Christ. They are learning basic theology as they are led through the Bible in their groups. People in this level may even be involved in ministry, but they will serve because they want to be a part of something or because they are still working from a works-salvation mind-set. They serve out of fear (to be good enough for God), because everyone else is doing it (peer pressure), because they get some emotional charge from it, or because it gives them some clout. They will often serve with “me” motives. If this is the case, they will usually continue to serve as long as the benefits outweigh the challenges.
As leaders we may recognize that many Connect-level people in our group will be growing but will often be consumed with self. They still often have a “me” mentality. Their language contains phrases like these: “I love my group.” “I have never felt so loved.” “I finally found home.” Notice the “I” word over and over again. There is nothing wrong with this at the Connect stage. They should love their group: it may be the first time they have ever felt loved in their lives.
A self-centered attitude may also surface in comments like these: “The leaders better not try to branch [split] my group—I was just starting to get comfortable here,” or “I had to walk a hundred yards to get into church last Sunday. It made me so mad.” They might also say, “I was working in the nursery, but they don’t appreciate me there, so I think I am going to quit.” One common statement is, “I am not comfortable at that church. There are far too many people.”
At this level the flesh is too involved for this person to be in a position of leadership. Connect-level leaders typically develop clubs, not ministries or biblical churches.
Minister:
People who are properly connected and have the right heart will eventually start to move into the Ministry phase of discipleship. In this stage there is a Holy Spirit heart change as they go from “me” centered to “we” centered. They will start to see things as God sees them, because they are connected to Him. As they grow spiritually, they will become more and more committed to the mission of Christ. Hopefully, they will have had a model of service in their small group. They will see it in others in the church family. They will hear about it from the pulpit. They will read about it in the Word. The Holy Spirit will be changing them as they are growing spiritual fruit in their lives. When they walk into a room, rather than thinking, Who will talk to me? Who is going to notice me? they are being transformed into people who think, Who needs help? They become other-centered people, servants, a natural result of walking with the Lord.
They will start to use language that is distinctly different. Rather than talking about their group, or their gifts, they will start to become other centered in their language. For instance, they will start to talk about people in their group: “I wonder where Megan is tonight. Does anyone know why she isn’t here? I was watching her the other day and she seems kind of down. I was thinking about making her a meal and taking it over.” Their heart for others begins coming out in what they do. When talk of branching their group starts, we will hear them talk about how much the group has helped them, and how everyone needs a group like this. They will be the ones who say, “We need to make room even though it is hard.” They are the ones in our groups who are sharing stories about how they got the chance to share Christ with someone at their work. They come up to us at church and say, “Isn’t this amazing! I had to sit way in the back this week. The parking lot is totally full and I had to walk for ten minutes. Isn’t this awesome!”
The people in this level become compassionate when someone is hurting in the group. They start calling missing people on their own. They have come to the place where they realize that life is not all about them but about glorifying God. They are becoming a giver rather than a taker, a servant for the right reasons. They don’t want to be a part of a club; they want to see people cared for and loved. At this point they have become people who serve not to get but because they have experienced the love of Jesus and they want others to experience it too. They do what they do for Jesus, whether they get anything for it or not.
Disciple:
Finally, the young disciples will move into the last stage of the discipleship process. We call this the Disciple phase. In this stage the disciples learn not only to minister to those around them but to train others to do the same thing. Disciple-level leaders now provide the new Disciple-level people with opportunities to lead by connecting them with others who need to be discipled. Eventually they will no longer need to be led to people because they will connect with others on their own. The new Disciple-level people have become leaders who can guide others through the same process they just came through. Consequently, their leaders become peers who encourage their one-time students to continue to walk with Christ. The relationship changes from teacher/pupil to friend—those with whom they serve.
How do we know when a Ministry-level person is ready to move to the Disciple level? Again, we must listen to the phrase from the phase. We will hear them say something like, “Have you noticed Sam? He is really talented with those kids; he should be using those gifts for the Lord.” Or they might say, “I have been going to the hospital to pray for our older folks, and I was thinking about taking George with me. He is so compassionate and loves to pray. I thought I would show him what you showed me and maybe we could pray with twice as many people in a shorter time.”
Here are a few things to take notice of. First, Disciple-level people see the need to grow a ministry they are passionate about. Second, they notice that the ministry could expand if they had help. Third, they notice the gifts and passions of someone else who could play a part in the ministry. Fourth, they are willing to invest in another who they see needs to be trained. They believe that they and their friends can serve and that it is their responsibility and privilege to train them so they can serve. A Disciple-level person wants to share the joy of serving with others by giving them the opportunity as well.
In conclusion, whether in wrestling or spiritual development, a personalized approach to coaching and leadership is essential for fostering growth and development. By understanding where each individual stands and tailoring guidance to meet their unique needs, spiritual leaders can more effectively support their progress. At Real Life Ministries, our framework for spiritual development emphasizes recognizing and responding to the different phases of an individual’s faith journey, from foundational teaching to advanced discipleship.
As disciple-level leaders, we need to be continuously refining this personalized approach: observing, listening, and engaging with individuals to provide the right support at the right time. We should focus on creating relational environments where discipleship can thrive, identifying and nurturing talents, and encouraging a culture of mentorship and service.
Below is a the graphic of our Real Life Ministries Discipleship Wheel. We use this as a tool to train our leaders and teams – it can be found along with more details on the Discipleship Process in the books listed below:
The Real Life Discipleship Training Manual: Purchase on Amazon –
