One of the aspects of relational discipleship is spending time with the person you are discipling outside the formal church or classroom settings. This gives you a chance to discuss things that might not come up in a small group/bible study environment. And quite often these discussions can give you tremendous insight into the spiritual growth of your disciple. Jesus told us in Luke 6:45 that “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”
Jesus had many discussions with people as He and his disciples were walking from one place to another. He asked questions, listened to answers, and asked follow up questions to clarity and convict the hearts of the people he was speaking with.
Asking good questions is definitely a skill we need to develop as we strive to lead those we are discipling towards the goal of spiritual maturity. But asking the right questions is only useful if we also employ the skill of listening well. Without listening well to the words, tone of voice, and body language as a person is talking, we can miss so much.
Listening well is one of the best ways you can gain information about people and situations. In fact – even though it seems as if the person doing the talking is in control of the conversation, the truth is it is the listener. The person asking questions and listening to the responses is the one gaining information and steering the conversation – the one talking is actually revealing much about themself.
In order to gain the most understanding about the people we are discipling, we need to be careful that we are listening to them on the best level possible:
In order to gain the most understanding about the people we are discipling, we need to be careful that we are listening to them on the best level possible: #discipleship Share on X5 Levels Of Listening;
- Listen without Focus: This is pretty self – explanatory. This is the kind of listening where we are present, and we recognize there is noise coming from someone that is directed at us, but we don’t even attempt to hear the content. This is the kind of listening parents sometimes employ with the toddler that prattles non stop. They will insert an ‘uh huh’ in every now and then while the child is talking, but most of their attention is focussed on whatever they are doing. Obviously this type of ‘listening’ is not optimal (outside of being the parent of small children!) it is not respectful of or helpful to the person doing the talking.
- Listen for the ‘Gist’: This is often the type of listening we employ when we are in a hurry – this is when we listen just enough to get an idea of what the other person is saying, so we can to determine how it effects us and whether we need to respond. While we are doing this, we only give half of our attention to the person speaking, putting most of our focus on our own internal dialogue and how it pertains to us. The person speaking can usually tell that our attention is elsewhere, and they are often left not feeling heard. This type of listening is very self-focused.
- Listen to Respond: This is when we are listening so we can insert a rebuttal or add our own story/experience to the conversation. We are usually just waiting for the person to pause for a moment so we can say insert our argument, story, or opinion. Our response often comes out quickly and enthusiastically, showing the speaker that we are more focussed on our own agenda than we are on them and understanding their perspective. This kind of listening is self-important – we feel as if what we have to say is more valuable than what they are saying, and we just want to get our point across. It is also usually very obvious to the other person that they are not really being heard.
- Listen to Hear: This type of listening happens when we are more focussed on the other person than on ourselves. We really care about what they are saying. We try to identify their perspective and figure out how and why what they are discussing makes sense to them, trying to deepen our understanding of their mindset. This kind of listening is often displayed in our body language – we lean in, maintain eye contact, nod and encourage the speaker that we understand what they are saying. This is not necessarily indicating we agree with their point of view, but they will certainly know that they are being heard.
- Listen to Understand: At this fourth and deepest level of listening, we are listening to more than just the words that are being said. We are watching body language and listening to tone in addition to hearing the actual words being used. We are intentionally listening to identify the emotions or issues that might lay behind the words. When we are listening to understand, we are showing genuine love and care for the person who is speaking. When we demonstrate this level of listening to the people we are discipling, it shows we have a desire to know them fully and determine what they may need from us to support and help them move forward.
If we truly want to become great listeners to those we are in relationship with, we have to motivate ourselves to listen intently, to watch for cues to deeper issues, and to allow the Holy Spirit to bring clear direction and insight, and help deepen our connection as we walk along the pathway of discipleship.
If we want to become great listeners, we must be motivated to listen intently, watch for cues to deeper issues, and allow the Holy Spirit to bring clear direction and insight #discipleship Share on XYou may also be interested in these posts:
4 Enlightening Questions To Ask The People You Are Discipling
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