4 Ways You Can Build A Church Community That Is Hard To Leave

When I talk about the necessity of relationship in the body of Christ, I don’t mean just shaking hands with a few people during the welcome time in a weekend service. I don’t mean asking how someone is in passing and accepting the words “I’m fine”. The core of relationship isn’t about just being polite and friendly. The relationships we form with the body of believers need to be deep and honest, spurring each other on to know the Lord. We need to have people we walk the road of life together with, as we become mature in Christ in a mutual sharing of gifts, talents, resources and love.

All of the ingredients we need to develop real relationships is found in Scripture. Here are four ways from Scripture that we can build a church environment that is hard to walk away from.

• Be honest with each other.

Honesty is foundational to real relationship. Without it, we have no chance of forming solid relationships in a marriage, a family, or with friends. Occasional small talk is a great start, but it can’t be all there is. We have to commit to moving beyond small talk with others to form relationships of substance and depth. Husbands and wives need relationships with others of their gender. Our children need Christian friends. If bad company corrupts good morals, we must be strategic about connecting ourselves and our families with those who encourage good morals. Colossians 3:9-10 tells us “Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” And Ephesians 4:25 says, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” Practicing honesty is a difficult command to obey – but we must be truthful about who we are and where we are on our spiritual journey. Once the surface small talk has opened the door we must be willing to go deeper.

How do we build a church that is hard to leave? We encourage and model honesty in our relationships. We tell other people the truth.

• Confess our sins to one another.

When we become aware of personal sin, we might think all that is required of us is to confess it to God. Theologically, this is part of the truth. Christ alone forgives our sins, and opens our way to relationship with Him. Our sins that separate us from God are forgiven by God. Romans 4:5 is very clear that God ‘justifies the ungodly’, and Psalm 32:2 says, “Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against them.” God is the unique and sole justifier of sinners.

Yet James 5:16 gives us the strong and somewhat surprising instruction to “confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” Why does James instruct us to confess our sins to one another when only God forgives sin?

It is because grace is actually lived out in practical community with other believers. Have there been times when you have confessed a sin before God and still not felt forgiven? When we get with other people and confess our sin before God, others are able to pray for us and give us Godly counsel about dealing with the consequences of our sin. It is when we bring our struggles to the light and get help with a defeating sin that we are able to conquer the behaviors that control us. This should not happen during the public weekend services unless the sin has affected the entire body. Confession should take place one-on-one or within smaller groups, where trust is established and real friendships are formed.

How do we build a church that is hard to leave? We confess our sins to each other, and pray for each other to be forgiven.

• Carry each other’s burdens.

When people are struggling with a problem, there is always a temptation to stay quiet about it and try to solve it on your own. Perhaps that was just the way it was done in our church or family when we were growing up. Or maybe we feel embarrassed about the problem, or we have bought into the idea that we should figure things out by ourselves. But the fact is, we were never meant to handle our emotional and spiritual problems alone. Galatians 6:2 tell us to “Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Burdens are heavy, and we are meant to help each other lay them at the foot of the cross. We pray for people, we roll up our sleeves and help, we enter into the messiness of real relationships. It is easy to get upset when those close to us mess up, but we need to roll up our sleeves and help with gentle words and actions. We have been given grace through Christ and it is up to us to extend this grace others. We are never more like Christ than when we forgive and extend grace.

How do we build a church that is hard to leave? We extend grace and carry each others burdens.

• Celebrate victories together.

Not only do we go through trials together, we should be celebrating success’s together as well. For me, It can be so encouraging when others notice the good things about me that I often miss – for someone to share a way God has used me to bless them is so affirming. It reminds me that God shaped me and is working in my life when sometimes I feel like the things I am doing are not making a difference. When we let someone know how we see God working in and through them, it encourages them to stay the course. It is also a reminder that we are all on the same team and supporting each other. I often say people aspire to whatever is celebrated, when we recognize and point out the fruit of the Spirit being portrayed in each other.

So – how do we build a church that will be hard to leave?

By carrying each others burdens and celebrating each others victories. By building strong relational ropes within the body of Christ that hold us fast in a stormy world. By relying on community. By not trying to go it alone. By showing the same grace for each other that God has shown and continues to show to us. Churches are not perfect places because they are filled with imperfect people. But if we build them to be the way God meant for them to be, they will be life giving communities that people want to run to, not from.

You can read more about this topic in Jim Putman’s book Hope For The Prodigal found HERE

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